in dreams and reality
Sep. 15th, 2024 10:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kingofgoblinsHad a really wacky, meandering dream last night. I have a lot of dreams about moving back to Japan... In this dream, my parents were there helping me move into an apartment. (My pets were all with me iirc, thank goodness.) Actually now that I think about it I'm pretty sure it was a whole property and not just an apartment. I can't quite remember the layout of the house but I feel like it had an upstairs and a downstairs, two bedrooms -- and my dream-brain included a cute little reading nook for whatever reason lol.
As part of visiting Japan, my parents agreed to go see Takarazuka with me (unsurprisingly I also dream about seeing Zuka a lot). Mom and Dad were sitting on my left, and to my right were Angela and her... fiancee? wife? (not sure if they're married yet.) Anyway Soragumi was doing a revival of Casablanca, with most of the original cast -- except that Yumeshiro Aya was playing Ilsa. (Lmao @ my brain deeply disliking Sumika and insisting on recasting Ilsa ^^;;) Strangely in my dream, I was completely not thinking about Alice-chan -- or I guess the scenes in my dream didn't include any with her. All I remember is that there was this weird new feature of the Grand Theatre stage where a big front section could sort of rise up and extend out over the audience. This makes no sense from an audience perspective because some people would fully be under the extended stage lmao, but conveniently our seats were far enough back and to the right that we had an okay view of what was happening... although I think we had to strain our necks a little bit lol. I just remember that there was a pair dance between Aya-chan and Micchan and I was freaking out over that (which, in retrospect makes no sense -- plus if I was going to dream of Aya-chan dancing with someone other than Yuuhi, why wouldn't it be Tomu??).
After the performance we went out to eat and then Mom and Dad were going to fly back to the States. I just remember a big fuss about Mom needing to make sure she had her special water bottle (I'm sure related to me being at Aeryn's birthday party last night where she got a new really cool water bottle).
Then the dream got extra weird and sort of couldn't make up its mind about whether I was walking or taking a taxi home. Sometimes I was walking, the streets and intersections didn't exactly make sense and I recall I flipped off or gave a thumbs-down to a couple of assholes who almost ran me over in their car. Then for some of the dream I was in a car and trying to wrangle Bow and possibly my other pets because they kept escaping. (Where were they during the performance? In a coin locker?? Lmao)
Anyway. That's all I remember of the dream. In reality, I have been thinking a lot about moving away. Braxton is moving out soon, and once he's gone there won't be anything except inertia keeping me in here. I've come to realize that I deeply hate this house, not just because of the things that are inconvenient & wrong with it but also because obviously I associate it with memories of Emory. And I'm just tired of living in Arizona.
I think a lot about wanting to move to a place that has good public transportation -- driving irritates my hip so my goal is to live in a place where I wouldn't have to drive to get around. So for now I've latched onto the idea of moving to Portland / the surrounding metro area. I do have friends who live in Salem and a couple of other friends who live in Medford, so it's not like I wouldn't know anyone in Oregon. Anjel told me that they go up to Portland on a weekly basis, and hopefully I'd be able to use Anjel & Puppie to make friends and community.
I don't know, obviously it seems like bad timing because I've been working with Alex and K.B. to really build community here -- our Neuroqueer meetup group has been going really well and we keep making more and more friends. And I've got my Wasteland / SCA friends -- on the one hand I only see them a few times a year anyway, but on the other hand it would be a little harder to visit if I were out of state. It's just... so fucking hot and dry here all the time, especially the summers are just getting hotter and hotter. As I've discussed with many people, the SADs (seasonal affectiveness disorder) hit in the summer for those of us in southern Arizona. And I really want to live in a place that's generally more liberal instead of a "purple state", I'm tired of being misgendered all the time and being treated like I'm being unreasonable or kooky for just standing up for myself. So basically I've just been daydreaming all summer about selling my house, taking a sweet payout, being able to pay off my debt & medical bills and fucking skip town.
Then again, none of this matters because even if I sold my house, I wouldn't really feel stable enough to move without a job. And since I still don't have a job, nothing is happening until someone fucking hires me.
As part of visiting Japan, my parents agreed to go see Takarazuka with me (unsurprisingly I also dream about seeing Zuka a lot). Mom and Dad were sitting on my left, and to my right were Angela and her... fiancee? wife? (not sure if they're married yet.) Anyway Soragumi was doing a revival of Casablanca, with most of the original cast -- except that Yumeshiro Aya was playing Ilsa. (Lmao @ my brain deeply disliking Sumika and insisting on recasting Ilsa ^^;;) Strangely in my dream, I was completely not thinking about Alice-chan -- or I guess the scenes in my dream didn't include any with her. All I remember is that there was this weird new feature of the Grand Theatre stage where a big front section could sort of rise up and extend out over the audience. This makes no sense from an audience perspective because some people would fully be under the extended stage lmao, but conveniently our seats were far enough back and to the right that we had an okay view of what was happening... although I think we had to strain our necks a little bit lol. I just remember that there was a pair dance between Aya-chan and Micchan and I was freaking out over that (which, in retrospect makes no sense -- plus if I was going to dream of Aya-chan dancing with someone other than Yuuhi, why wouldn't it be Tomu??).
After the performance we went out to eat and then Mom and Dad were going to fly back to the States. I just remember a big fuss about Mom needing to make sure she had her special water bottle (I'm sure related to me being at Aeryn's birthday party last night where she got a new really cool water bottle).
Then the dream got extra weird and sort of couldn't make up its mind about whether I was walking or taking a taxi home. Sometimes I was walking, the streets and intersections didn't exactly make sense and I recall I flipped off or gave a thumbs-down to a couple of assholes who almost ran me over in their car. Then for some of the dream I was in a car and trying to wrangle Bow and possibly my other pets because they kept escaping. (Where were they during the performance? In a coin locker?? Lmao)
Anyway. That's all I remember of the dream. In reality, I have been thinking a lot about moving away. Braxton is moving out soon, and once he's gone there won't be anything except inertia keeping me in here. I've come to realize that I deeply hate this house, not just because of the things that are inconvenient & wrong with it but also because obviously I associate it with memories of Emory. And I'm just tired of living in Arizona.
I think a lot about wanting to move to a place that has good public transportation -- driving irritates my hip so my goal is to live in a place where I wouldn't have to drive to get around. So for now I've latched onto the idea of moving to Portland / the surrounding metro area. I do have friends who live in Salem and a couple of other friends who live in Medford, so it's not like I wouldn't know anyone in Oregon. Anjel told me that they go up to Portland on a weekly basis, and hopefully I'd be able to use Anjel & Puppie to make friends and community.
I don't know, obviously it seems like bad timing because I've been working with Alex and K.B. to really build community here -- our Neuroqueer meetup group has been going really well and we keep making more and more friends. And I've got my Wasteland / SCA friends -- on the one hand I only see them a few times a year anyway, but on the other hand it would be a little harder to visit if I were out of state. It's just... so fucking hot and dry here all the time, especially the summers are just getting hotter and hotter. As I've discussed with many people, the SADs (seasonal affectiveness disorder) hit in the summer for those of us in southern Arizona. And I really want to live in a place that's generally more liberal instead of a "purple state", I'm tired of being misgendered all the time and being treated like I'm being unreasonable or kooky for just standing up for myself. So basically I've just been daydreaming all summer about selling my house, taking a sweet payout, being able to pay off my debt & medical bills and fucking skip town.
Then again, none of this matters because even if I sold my house, I wouldn't really feel stable enough to move without a job. And since I still don't have a job, nothing is happening until someone fucking hires me.
